A Beginner's Guide to Understanding Boundaries
100 Things #010 - Discover Boundaries
While a vast number of therapy-centric terms, such as “gaslighting” and “trauma-dumping” have begun to make their way into the daily vocabulary of many, one specific term that has had a sizeable, positive impact on society’s understanding of human psychology and interpersonal relationships at large is the idea of “boundaries.”
Boundaries, in psychological terms, consist of the limitations that exist in some form or another within the human psyche surrounding what’s comfortable, feasible, or accessible in almost any given area. This can include but is not limited to the physical, sexual, emotional, mental, and spiritual, as well as the many other realms of our humanity.
In some cases, we knowingly place these boundaries ourselves, with knowledge of a specific limitation that we feel, in hopes of avoiding pain or discomfort by unintentionally crossing that pre-determined line. In other cases, boundaries are an unspoken set of barriers that are safely assumed given the social rules and constructs that have been shaped over the course of thousands of years as a society.
These various types of boundaries interweave and intersect in a number of places, creating a web of mutual understanding that conjoins each and every person, leading to a certain air of comfort that all members participating in this “web of boundaries” get to enjoy.
One skill that therapy often teaches, which I believe is a skill that should be entirely more mainstream, is the practice of communicating the nuances of existing boundaries within all sorts of interpersonal relationships, not limited to just romantic types.
It would be silly to assume that our individual comfort only plays a role in social interactions between ourselves and a romantic partner. In reality, the dynamics of both comfort and limitation affect interactions between people from all walks of life.
While therapy as a practice is becoming more and more normal in our modern setting, leading to a population that is much more informed regarding the ins and outs of mental health, blatant conversations about things like boundaries and trauma can still come across as taboo in some cases.
That being said, open, overt discussions of personal boundaries can function as a useful guide to continue to better understand both people close to an individual, and those more unfamiliar as well.
And in those situations where overt discussion is not so realistic, a stronger grasp of boundaries honed through continuous reflective conversation about one’s limitations will only stand to further improve one’s ability to intuitively pick up on the boundaries of others.
At the end of the day, what will better allow one to grasp and understand the nuance of another person will benefit both parties, as well as the greater comprehension of mental health awareness on a larger societal scale.
I’ll leave you here with a few journaling prompts for those who want to do a bit of guided thinking around this topic:
Think about a time when you've had to establish or communicate a boundary in a relationship. How did you approach the situation? What was the outcome?
Reflect on the idea that discussing boundaries can still be taboo in some contexts. Do you agree with this observation? Why or why not?
Imagine striking up a conversation about boundaries with someone in your life. How do you think they would react? Are you willing to take the step to discuss boundaries openly? Why or why not?
A relatively short, but slightly more dense post for today. My hope is that readers can take any bit of insight on a topic like this and find a direct application for it in day-to-day life.
Strike up a conversation that you otherwise might shy away from. See what happens.
Just remember to be respectful, and keep boundaries in mind.
For now, have a good week, and I’ll see you at 100.