Have you ever thought about your own funeral?

100 Things #003 - Employ The Tombstone Principle

What do you want written on your gravestone?

A bit morbid, I know. But it can absolutely be worth taking some time to mull over.

It can be easy to become preoccupied with the idea of curating one’s own legacy, taking on projects and setting life goals that allow us a relatively straightforward path to achieving those few objectives that we think will best endure after our own passing.

Though, I believe there are a few key elements that need to be considered in order for this strategy for maintaining a fulfilling life to truly get at the heart of our individual hopes for our times here on Earth.

The first component, which I’m hoping to outline here today, is the idea of the legacy that we leave behind in the minds of those that live us on.

This is an idea that I believe is closely related to our perceptions of self and our individual thoughts about identity.

It takes a certain kind of self-awareness to first even be comfortable with the idea of imagining yourself in the eyes of someone else, taking into account the various ways in which you’re being perceived.

For some, this is a much more drastic jump in typical thought processes than it is for others.

Many of us are not the kinds of people who move through life imagining the varying opinions that others are casting in our direction.

For others, this is a daily phenomenon, and even that may be an understatement.

To then extend this thought process to imagining the lasting thoughts that exist in the minds of others after our own passing may take some work to accomplish effectively. It is an exercise that may cause some negative emotions to the surface, but I believe those negative emotions are often worth exploring.

Maybe the feelings only appear as “negative” because there’s something about your own present state that is trying to get your attention.

That’s exactly how I personally felt just weeks before I began planning a possible career change. Feelings of dissatisfaction with my current life plan arose in the form of uneasiness and general anxiety.

It’s important to address those feelings head-on, as the root causes for those emotions are so often the signals from our own psyche that something could use some re-examining.

With all this in mind, and with some soul searching already out of the way, an exercise that caught my attention a few years ago, which I think back to occasionally when looking for some clarity, is Doctor Jim Loehr’s “Tombstone Principle.”

This principle encourages participants to imagine their gravestone and focus on what few identifying phrases would have to be listed for participants to see their life, having come to an end in the exercise, as satisfying and fulfilled.

For some, this may look like “Good husband, great father” or things to that effect.

For others, maybe this more specifically looks like a note about some specific accomplishments achieved in one’s lifetime.

In any case, by examining one’s hopes for what would be inscribed in the stone, a few key images come to mind of what one should be striving for in their own life.

Yes, it is a bit dreary, but also, I think it’s an extremely effective way of prioritizing those few key elements that one defines their life by. And if an exercise like this still leaves someone coming up blank, that’s entirely okay.

Not everyone is going to have this figured out on their first go-around.

But maybe, if the concept resonates with you, even if no specifics come to mind, keep the idea in your back pocket and return to it later.

You may just find that something sticks.

I’ll leave you here with a few journaling prompts for those who want to do a bit of guided thinking around this topic:

• Reflect on your thoughts about your own legacy and the impact you want to leave behind. How important is it to you to be remembered after you're gone?

• Consider the exercise of the "Tombstone Principle" proposed by Dr. Jim Loehr. What would you want written on your gravestone to represent a satisfying and fulfilled life?

• Explore the idea of imagining yourself from the perspective of others. How comfortable are you with considering how others perceive you, both in life and after your passing?

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With all that off my chest, I’d love to hear if any of you decide to try this out, or if you’re already a fan of “The Tombstone Principle.”

I’ll be waiting to hear about any of your insights in the email replies and the comments below.

For now, have a good week, and I’ll see you at 100.

Photos by Cheryl and John on Unsplash