Saying Yes and Meaning It in a World of Indifference

100 Things #027 - Stop Saying No

Photo by Angelo Pantazis on Unsplash

So maybe I’m giving mixed messages here.

First, I’m saying to throw around the word “no” more frequently to protect your peace, and now the memo is to stop saying “no” so often? Doesn’t that contradict itself a little bit?

It does. It does, indeed.

You see, saying no is a skill. And some of us could benefit from practicing that skill from time to time. It can take some real personal development to get to a point of being able to truly tap into your wants and needs when being asked by someone else to “do a little favour” or anything else of the sort.

But there are an array of reasons why the opposite situation may occur as well.

My hope here is to encourage people to consider what it is we’re agreeing to with more intention.

There are a wide number of reasons why someone might initially agree to do something, and then realize after the fact that it really is in their best interest to decline. A feeling of obligation, a lack of autonomy, maybe a bit of FOMO… It’s a common enough situation, and it can be valuable to stretch that muscle of saying no in the moment when you catch yourself falling prey to one of these habits.

Yet, many of us struggle with entirely opposing scenarios on a daily basis.

If someone were to ask me if I wanted to run a half-marathon with them in a few months, I’d shoot them down likely before they’d be able to finish asking the question. There’s simply no way, right?

Were I to be asked to go to a reunion with some old friends from high school, there’s a more than decent chance I’d decline purely because the social awkwardness of the situation feels like it might be too much to bear.

The thing is, at the center of most scenarios that fall into this category are varying degrees of fear, negative self-talk, and catastrophizing. These are not feelings conducive to action. They are quite the opposite in actuality.

It would be easier to throw a “no,” that’s for sure. But easier is often far from better.

It might be safer, but sometimes taking that risk can be the more fulfilling option.

Beginning to post writing online - terrifying, but worth it.

Running a Spartan Race with my mom - absolutely exhausting, but worth it.

Being convinced to travel solo to another province to climb some mountains - okay, maybe this one is a little unsafe, so I can’t necessarily advise it, but I will say it was a blast.

Saying no can be really tempting in a lot of circumstances, but saying yes does have the potential to pan out into something great. Just in that same way that saying no is a muscle that needs to be trained, so is agreeing to do something outside of your comfort zone.

Finding the balance between the use of “yes” and “no” can be a journey in itself, but through working on intentionality and thoughtful decision-making, that journey doesn’t have to be so scary.

I’ll leave you here with a few journaling prompts for those who want to do a bit of guided thinking around this topic:

• Identify a situation where you said "no" due to fear or negative self-talk. What was the worst-case scenario you imagined? How likely was it to happen?

• Write about a time when you said "yes" to something outside your comfort zone and it turned out to be a positive experience. What did you learn from it?

• How can you become more intentional with your decisions to say "yes" or "no"? What questions can you ask yourself to make more thoughtful choices?

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For now, have a good week, and I’ll see you at 100.