The Scientific Reason Why Your Relationships Aren't Fulfilling You
The Scientific Reason Why Your Relationships Aren't Fulfilling You
100 Things #018 - Investing in Others
Last week, I focused on a number of reasons why I believe it’s beneficial to focus on investing in yourself, putting some energy into altering the course of your life through small, meaningful changes.
Sort of like a crash course on what “100 Things” is at its core in one succinct post.
This week, I’m hoping to do the same thing, but with a twist, in that I’d like to place the spotlight on the people that one surrounds themself with. Investing in the people around you is one of the most beneficial things you can do in your life, and I’ll tell you why.
(Insert spiel about us being social creatures and how our innate human desire to be a part of the ingroup as a necessary component of our animalistic tendencies.)
Joking, mostly. There’s obviously a lot of truth to the fact that we have this natural drive to want to surround ourselves with people that we respect and find interesting. And I think that’s a valuable thing to study, but I think there’s also plenty to be said about why reaching out to people and building meaningful relationships can be inherently valuable without looking at our own maybe more selfish and personal reasons for doing so.
Think back to the last time someone complimented you on something that you hold dear to your heart. For some, that might be fashion sense, if dressing well is something you take a lot of pride in. Maybe cooking for others, or athletics.
For me, that’s anything related to creative work. It’s a passion, and so being patted on the back for any artistic project I’ve been working on is going to mean a lot more to me than a compliment on my new jacket might.
Beyond Small Talk
I think this idea of meaningful compliments gets at a larger idea within human relational dynamics, where people who can cut through the superficial aspects of conversation and pleasantries immediately have a higher likelihood of developing a meaningful relationship.
While there’s nothing wrong with small talk, there’s a special something that comes with interacting with someone who is tactfully able to cut through the first few layers of fluff in a conversation, and speak directly to you in a way that’s intentional and meaningful.
Psychological studies have actually been done on this topic, and have found that “deeper” conversations are much more likely to leave a personal feeling satisfied, and more importantly I would argue, feeling connected to the individual they shared a conversation with.
This study in particular cites the “meaningfulness” that participants felt during the study as being the most significant finding to come out of their testing, which seems incredibly noteworthy.
For a list of 100 Things that intend to leave readers living a more fulfilled and meaningful life, discovering that there exist any number of tricks backed by scientific study to make progress on that front feels like a win.
If there’s a takeaway here, which I sure hope there is, it’s that meaning and connections are something that is often just below the surface of day-to-day interaction, and if there’s one thing I can encourage you to do, it’s to try and cut through to that layer of conversation whenever you get the chance.
Sure, it may take a little bit more energy to get there, and that might not always be in your best interest, but knowing that the option is there should you choose to act on it can be a reliable way to remind yourself that a more fulfilling aspect of life is just a conversation away.
I’ll leave you here with a few journaling prompts for those who want to do a bit of guided thinking around this topic:
Have you ever had a conversation that left you feeling particularly satisfied or connected to the person you were talking to? What made that conversation different from others?
Reflect on your own communication style. Do you find it easy to cut through the superficial aspects of conversation and engage in deeper dialogue? If not, what barriers do you encounter?
Consider a recent interaction where you had the opportunity to engage in a deeper conversation but didn't take it. What held you back, and how could you approach similar situations differently in the future?
If any of this resonated with you, I’d love to hear any thoughts or stories in the comments and replies.
For now, have a good week, and I’ll see you at 100.