Why You Don't Always Need to Run From Confrontation
100 Things #016 - Pick a Fight
Our fight-or-flight response is understandably a fairly strong instinct that exists within the neurochemical makeup of just about every person on this planet.
A natural response
It keeps us out of danger, helps us to respond to concerning stimuli, and all around seeks to protect our well-being. Though, it’s relevant to mention that, despite how handy an innate response like this can be, it’s also important to keep in mind those times when such an automatic reaction from your body can actually be counter-productive.
And I’m not talking about standing up to a bully or trying to convince you of how best to respond to any sort of real danger or threat. I’ll leave the self-defence category of advice to the professionals.
I think what would be more beneficial to consider are the moments when our mind’s initial response to a situation may be detrimental, compared to how a more well-planned and intentional response could go.
Some common phrases among those who tend to rely on their gut instinct in situations that trigger these sorts of feelings are, “Oh, I’ll try it a different way next time,” or, “Oh, I didn’t mean to say that, my body can’t keep up with my mind sometimes.” But often, remembering in the moment to adjust to an alternate plan can be tricky, and it can be difficult to avoid slipping into old, default responses in situations like these. They’re called instincts for a reason.
In my experience, repeated mantras can and do help with training our brains to respond to stimuli in a way that is more conducive to how we actually want to be presenting ourselves moving forward.
“When Jackson asks for a volunteer in the next meeting, I will raise my hand.”
“When Jackson asks for a volunteer in the next meeting, I will raise my hand.”
It’s not for everyone, but you can’t deny that it works for some.
Instigating by choice
Now, in some cases, an individual may seek these sorts of experiences out—looking to confront the issue head-on, triggering their own fight-or-flight, rather than hoping to respond to it correctly the next time the opportunity arises.
This is not a solution that will work for everyone, but for those who have a more direct, throw-caution-to-the-wind type of personality, this approach may be the key to having real, meaningful interactions.
Again, I’m not talking about picking a fight with the guy with the armed weapon who just decided to rob the bank you’re standing in. That is almost definitively not a good idea.
I’m talking about facing a fear head-on, rather than waiting for the fear to come to you.
Sign up for try-outs, despite knowing that two of the judges on the panel are family friends.
Post that video of you singing on social media, despite knowing that your friends from college will almost certainly see it.
Have that difficult conversation with your partner that you’ve been meaning to get around to, even though you know it will likely result in a few tears being shed.
Not every difficult path in life will present itself at a time when you’ve been able to steel yourself up for it.
Sometimes, you’ve just got to pick a fight with the circumstances that you find yourself in, and take matters into your own hands.
I’ll leave you here with a few journaling prompts for those who want to do a bit of guided thinking around this topic:
Consider the role of mindfulness in managing the fight-or-flight response. How can practicing mindfulness techniques help individuals become more aware of their automatic reactions and choose more intentional responses?
Reflect on the idea of seeking out experiences that trigger the fight-or-flight response. In what ways can intentionally confronting fears and challenges lead to personal growth and empowerment?
Have you ever considered using a repeated mantra to “train your brain?” Did you find it effective? Why or why not?
Aaand, I’ll say it again just so we’re all on the same page. Do not think that this is an attempt to instigate violence. It’s a figure of speech.
If any of this resonated with you, I’d love to hear any thoughts in the comments or replies.
For now, have a good week, and I’ll see you at 100.